


A Spiderweb And I'm Caught In The Middle

by deandratb



Series: Spiderwebs [1]
Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Arachnophobia, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandratb/pseuds/deandratb
Summary: Friendly fluff based on Schneider's canon fear of spiders.She blinked at him. “Why don’t you just kill it?” “I can’t go near it--it’llgetme!”





	A Spiderweb And I'm Caught In The Middle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snookolive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snookolive/gifts).



> Fic prompt: **Alvareider + spiders**

The pounding on the door interrupted Penelope’s studying.

Okay, maybe it woke her from a nap on the couch. But she had been studying first, so it was basically the same thing.

“Penelope! Penelope, come quick, I need your help!”

“Schneider,” she shouted back as she got up. “Calm down. What’s wrong?”

“Spider in the parlor,” he said, panting, when she opened the door. Despite his alarmed tone, Schneider didn’t look injured, so she relaxed.

“Is...is that code?”

“No! It’s an arachnid!”

“Okay, okay. There’s a spider in your apartment--that’s why you’re here?”

“Yes.” He dragged out the word with exaggerated impatience. “Yes, and it’s humongous and I can’t get it to leave.”

“To leave.” She blinked at him. “Why don’t you just kill it?”

“I can’t go near it--it’ll **get** me!”

“Get you--get you how?” Sighing, she stepped out and shut the door behind her, nudging him down the hall. “Schneider, are you actually that scared of spiders? I thought at the car dealership, you were just being...you.”

“Of course I’m scared of spiders. They’re terrifying, with the fangs and the poison and those glittering tiny eyes. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be afraid of spiders?”

“Me.” Penelope pushed his apartment door open when they arrived at it and he froze. 

“Pen, you--”

“No, come on. It’s more scared of you than you are of it. Just show me where the spider is.”

Schneider followed her in, walking like the floor was lava. “It’s right over...”

“Penelope,” he hissed. “It moved!”

“It’s alive. Living things do that. Where was it when you fled the scene?”

He huffed. “When I walked upstairs to your place, in a dignified and not-at-all-panicked way, it was under the window.”

“Okay.” Penelope nodded, turning in that direction. “So it probably...”

“There!” She grinned triumphantly. “It’s heading for your desk.”

“No!” He took a step back involuntarily. “Not where I **sit.** ”

“Oh, hey, it’s a daddy-long-legs. Schneider, it’s not even that big--and it’s not poisonous.”

“Says you.”

“Yes, says me, says my medical training...and, oh yeah, says my time in the deserts of Afghanistan. Come here, you big baby.”

“Not until it’s dead.”

“It’s harmless. I promise you.”

“Please, Penelope!”

“Fine. Hand me something heavy.”

Schneider passed her what looked like a decorative brick-- _why would anyone want that in their house??_ \--and turned away while Penelope took out the intruder with a definitive smack.

“Done. I am not cleaning up the spider guts. Got it?”

“Yeah. Sure. Oh my god, Penelope, thank you.” He let out a loud, shuddering breath. “I feel so much better now.”

“You’re welcome. Next time, kill the spider yourself though.”

She was almost out the door before her words hit their mark. “Wait, next time? What do you mean, next time? Pen, are there more spiders?”

His voice followed her out the open door, and so did Schneider, trailing her back to her place as his panic crested again.

“Do you think that one had friends? Or worse, a family. God, what if it had a family. What if they’re out for revenge? Do spiders have spidey-sense? Can they track me? Or is that just Spiderman?”

“Bye, Schneider.” Penelope shut the door in his face when they made it back to her apartment. He’d walk off the anxiety and be back in an hour.

The last thing she heard as she drifted back into her study nap was Schneider’s words becoming white noise in the hallway.

“Could Spiderman have heightened senses that let him track murderers? Ooh, what if **Batman** had that? He could get revenge for his own parents. Superman kind of has that, the heightened senses, but not for murder. if he did have that, would he even want to use it? He’s not big on vengeance, not in the same way. Maybe if...” 

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from "Trouble" by Coldplay.


End file.
